My own worst frenemy

To tell the truth, I'm my own worst critic. I'm too hard on myself. And when I start saying that, I start to reassure myself saying platitudes like "It's okay, you're doing your best" or "things are tough right, chillax and don't be too hard on yourself." And then I hit back, "Yeah, well, I was much thinner a year ago right now and even four months ago I was curling more and benching more than I am now." This conversation usually happens in my head at the wrong times. Like when I'm trying to sleep and I just want to yell out "Will you two just knock it off!" Of course, when that third voice pops up, I start to worry about my own sanity.

I've been beating myself up lately to tell the truth. And some of it is good and some of it isn't. Last week, I took an honest look at myself and saw how my faith walk was being affected by how I was coping with stress. But I also resolved to fight against it. It was becoming a stumbling block for me and that ain't good at all.

My resolve has picked up and I’ve been once again faithful to hitting the weights and doing cardio. I’ve been fighting the urge to snack and that is so hard. I’ve learned to ask myself “Am I really hungry or am I just wanting to fill that void that’s there right now because I’m stressed?” And that’s a hard question to ask mainly because I know the answer. It’s hard.

And so, this morning, I decided to once again take an honest assessment of myself. I hadn’t measured myself since March 25. I was frustrated with myself. My gut gained 2 inches as did the rest of me. My biceps were good but other than that, I wasn’t where I had been in January or February. So I stopped checking in on myself to see my progress. So, this morning, I bit the bullet and did a reality check. Where was I? I had been struggling and enjoying too much Easter candy. I was worried I’d bloated out more Marlon Brando. I was shocked. I was roughly where I had been in March. Either I had been maintaining or I’ve dropped back down to where I was.

I was beating myself up negatively. In my honest assessment of myself, I realized that there were things to change and so I began working on that. But I also saw that I had to stop being my own worst frenemy. It was hurting me. I’m rubber you’re glue just doesn’t work when you’re picking on yourself.

What about you? Where have you been beating yourself up and where do you need to do an honest assessment of yourself—physically, emotionally spiritually?