Don't Even Blink

What is fear? It's worrying about the unknown. It's not wanting to take steps forward because you don't know what will happen if you make the decision. It's being worried that as soon as you blink that angel in the corner who looks like it is weeping will attack you and steal all your potential life energy sending you decades into the past.

Okay, that last one is a reference to the totally freaky Weeping Angels from Dr. Who. The weeping angels are an alien race who only exist outside of recognition. If they are being looked at they do not exist. And so, they instead are stone statues who are non-existent. But as soon as you look away, as soon as you blink, the move and move quickly. This Dr. Who monster taps into that fear of what you see out of the corner of your eye. This monster taps into that fear of the unknown and the unseen.

Not only that, but this monster doesn't just take your life, it takes what you could have been. If you were to live for 80 more years, then this monster kills you by sending you back 80 years in the past and living off of what you would have been 80 years in the future. This monster taps into the fear we have about what we want to be and what we could be and eats it up.

Fear can make us do one of two things: 1) Runaway in abject terror trying to find your happy place or 2) use that fear to fuel you into action. The weeping angels forces you to focus. To focus on the fear and not let it over take you. To focus on what makes you want to flee in terror and instead stand firm, staring it down. With the weeping angels, you have to face your fears or die.

To be healthy, to be physically, emotionally and spiritually healthy, you need to face your fears. To stare them down and allow them to fuel you in moving forward.

You have a fear of failure and so you don't try to exercise. You have a fear of failure and so you don't pursue that relationship with someone you care about. You fear failure and don't even want to try to enter into God's presence. You fear rejection and don't want to even approach God through Christ. If everyone else has rejected you so will God you think. Or you fear rejection of family and friends as you step forward in faith to serve.

To run away from fear is to allow fear to win. You become a traitor to yourself, turning from what will benefit you and running away. Turn fear into a tool to allow you to step forward in faith, to step forward in making yourself healthier, to make yourself grow in the Spirit, to make yourself Grow in the knowledge of Jesus and God. To make yourself healthier mind, body and soul.

My poor pick up, I'm afraid

Yeah. My pick up's down again. I love it. It's old and classic...and 3 years younger than me.

What's wrong with it? Leaking oil something awful. Went on a hospital visit today and it was running rough where the engine's going "chuggity-chug-chug-thump, chuggity-chug-chug-thump." And I'm thinking that's probably not a good sound. I did some auto shop back in high school, but that's because I was bringing in my 1977 Buick Skylark constantly to work on the breaks and repair the master cylinder. That's not enough to work on a classic like this thing. Grant it that back in high school I wasn't reflecting on the fact that the Buick Skylark was my age as well. You don't think about those things when you're in high school.

But, boy howdy, you sure do in your 30's. What's getting me is that when looking at my pick up, I'm starting to look at my own mortality. Don't know why I'm getting so stinking deep in a short blog, but yeah. That's right. I'm starting to see my own failures, my own shortcomings and it's scaring the bejeebers out of me. I don't want to fail. I don't want to mess up. I don't want to be curled up in a ball on the living room floor rocking back and forth trying to find my happy place.

While hitting the bike at the gym tonight (again, too tired right now to lift weights, so I'm biking instead) I was listening to a podcast by Lifechurch.tv. Been listening to them a lot when I do cardio. I was watching one of their podcasts on quitting fear. And yeah, I'm afraid. So, I must face it.

For me, I think of these verses

You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. Psalm 32:7 NIV

Unto thee, O LORD, do I lift up my soul. O my God, I trust in thee: let me not be ashamed, let not mine enemies triumph over me. Psalm 25:1 KJV

And the one verse that kept hitting me over and over again

For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV

So I'm going to face my fears. No freakin' idea how right now..but at least I know what needs to be done.

As for my old pick up? Still working on that one.. do I take lessons in auto shop again?

What about you? What fears do you need to face right now in your life?

Be Still

I do one of four things when I get anxious or nervous. I lift weights, I hit the punching bag, I go for a walk or I munch on junk food. Since May 25, I have been anxious. I interviewed for a position as pastor for two churches in Corsica, SD. An amazing place. But I became anxious. What if they didn't like me? What if I did something to blow the interview? What if? What if? What if? And so I hit the gym, I lifted weights. I hit the bag and worked on my "boxing" skills. I went for walks and contemplated what God might have in store. But I also ate. Too much. I was able to compensate with my exercise but after a while I realized I was just making excuses for myself. And then my bag and weight bench were packed and moved...and I munched.

On June 27, I was offered the position. On July 3, I accepted. I wish I could say that my anxiety calmed. It didn't. I think it got worse. I wish there was a way to say that I found the perfect answer to calm my anxiety. I don't. Not in the least. But I have learned something.

Since we've arrived here in town, I've been praying a lot more. A lot lot more. And one line from Psalm 46 has been going through my head "Be still and know that I am God, I will be honored amongst the nations." I still have my anxiety, but I also need to stay still. Be still, listen to God's voice, his caring touch on the shoulder, leading and guiding.

There is something bigger than myself out there. And he is in charge. Be still, I hear him tell me, and I will take care of it. Be still, and understand that there are bigger things.

Health is so important to me both physical and spiritual. I've learned over the last few years that my physical health is tied into my spiritual health and vice versa. And so, I must be still. Come to my Father in prayer and listen to him, not just gab but truly, completely, listen and be still.