Giving up

Some time back I wrote a post about what I do when I get anxious--I work out, I go at it with my punching bag, I walk or I munch junk food. It's too blasted cold out right now to go for a walk, my bag is still not up and so that leaves me with two alternatives--munch or work out. Guess what I've been doing? Yeah. Not good.

Why anxiety? Well, a week and a half back my wife was in a bad car accident. God was with her. His hand kept her safe. She rear ended a snow plow going 75 miles an hour and didn't hit the breaks, at all. The car is totaled. And my wife literally got out and walked away. No bones broken. Only shaken up a bit and sore. He hands are pretty cut up right now from the glass. This last Sunday she made an observation. She said that she realized that at that moment, in between her seeing the plow and hitting it, she envisioned God's hand going between her and the snow plow. She said that she looked at her hands. The backs of her hands are cut up from the glass. She realized that God's hands were cut for her. She then thought of the nails that pierced Jesus' hands. The nails pounded into his flesh that hung him upon the cross to die for her sins. And she started crying. She was saved.

Today is Ash Wednesday, the first day of a season called Lent. Lent is a time to focus and ponder on Jesus' sacrifice on the cross, his dying so that we may live. During this time people give things up. Why? So that they can set aside those things that entangle them and that they can focus on Christ's sacrifice for them. On those hands that were pounded through with nails, cut to save a life--the life of my wife.

And for that, I'm eternally thankful.

What will I give up so that I may focus on the great thing that was done for my wife and for myself and for my children? I haven't thought about it yet.

Maybe I should.

Be Still

I do one of four things when I get anxious or nervous. I lift weights, I hit the punching bag, I go for a walk or I munch on junk food. Since May 25, I have been anxious. I interviewed for a position as pastor for two churches in Corsica, SD. An amazing place. But I became anxious. What if they didn't like me? What if I did something to blow the interview? What if? What if? What if? And so I hit the gym, I lifted weights. I hit the bag and worked on my "boxing" skills. I went for walks and contemplated what God might have in store. But I also ate. Too much. I was able to compensate with my exercise but after a while I realized I was just making excuses for myself. And then my bag and weight bench were packed and moved...and I munched.

On June 27, I was offered the position. On July 3, I accepted. I wish I could say that my anxiety calmed. It didn't. I think it got worse. I wish there was a way to say that I found the perfect answer to calm my anxiety. I don't. Not in the least. But I have learned something.

Since we've arrived here in town, I've been praying a lot more. A lot lot more. And one line from Psalm 46 has been going through my head "Be still and know that I am God, I will be honored amongst the nations." I still have my anxiety, but I also need to stay still. Be still, listen to God's voice, his caring touch on the shoulder, leading and guiding.

There is something bigger than myself out there. And he is in charge. Be still, I hear him tell me, and I will take care of it. Be still, and understand that there are bigger things.

Health is so important to me both physical and spiritual. I've learned over the last few years that my physical health is tied into my spiritual health and vice versa. And so, I must be still. Come to my Father in prayer and listen to him, not just gab but truly, completely, listen and be still.