Exhaust Fumes

I'm tired. I'm feeling drained. I'm exhausted beyond thunderdome. And so, what do I do at 8:30 at night? I hit the gym. Now, I was smart enough not to hit the weights. Instead, I hit the bike. As I was peddling, I realized I wasn't doing as much or as intense as I usually do (which to begin with, isn't that much nor intense). And then I began to think about football.

Back in high school, I played freshman football. I think I should place "played" more in italics then anything else. I played freshman football. I was more like 5th string. Did you know, in freshman football, they try really hard to have almost everyone play at once a game. Yeah. Not me. That's how "good" I was. Towards the end of the season, I broke my ankle pretty bad. I like to tell people that I broke my ankle playing football, but truth be told, it was after practice one night. A buddy and I were tossing the football around when I broke it--bad.

How bad? I was in the hospital for about a week, bed rest for about a month, on crutches from Thanksgiving to St. Patrick's Day. I was living with my dad at the time, and he truly did his best to help. But his job was as such that he needed to be at work HOURS before I had to be at school. He couldn't keep taking time off to take me to school. So, since I lived about a mile and a half away from school, I crutched. I crutched on my crutches 1 1/2 miles each way. It was like doing constant bar dips and squats. I lost weight, I toned up. All except my left leg. It was still in a cast. My calf muscle atrophied. The muscle stopped being used and it shrunk. To this day, my left calf is smaller than my right. Always will be. Looking at my calf this evening got me to thinking about football and how things change.

But I also started thinking of something else. I started realizing that in many ways, I was not only physically exhausted but emotionally and spiritually as well. I'm tired. I felt like I might be running on fumes. And yet I press on.

An old college friend of mine is a missionary in the Philippines teaching English. In a blog post, she mentioned how she's been working on becoming spiritual healthy. And I loved hearing that. But she also ha worries to. What if when/if they come back to the States, they lose that spiritual healthiness they've obtained while in the missionary field.

To be honest, I'm worried what if I spiritually atrophy? What if I emotionally atrophy? And I'm tired. There are times where I just want to have the ref ring the bell so I can sit down, have Mickey Goldmill splash water on me, wipe off the blood, tell me how Apollo is dropping his left when he does a right hook and then send me out. Just something. Something...

And then I hear these words...

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

...just tired...gentle and humble sound nice right now. Rest for your souls sounds nice right now...so does easy and light...

Where do you need rest? Where are you exhausted right now? How can you place your burdens to Jesus?

All you need is love

"All you need is love." These words said by John and Paul. No, not the apostles but the Beatles. Their song speaks of the fact that there's nothing else you need in the world but love. Love is all you need. And why do I bring this up? Because today is Valentine's Day. And all the single people out there say "Yippee!" (some say it sarcastically...well, many single and those with significant others say it sarcastically).

Have you ever stopped and wondered why in the world would we celebrate love in a cold month? Well, maybe you have ideas of your own, but I'm not going there.

One of the stories I really like about Valentine's Day is in reference to a 3rd century priest who believed in love. Apparently, as the story goes, The Roman Emperor Claudius II felt that young men who were married mad for lousy fighters. They didn't want to die because they had families at home. They didn't want to go on long campaigns in far distant lands because they had families at home. And so, in short, they didn't have their heart in it. So, if someone had nothing to live for, they were more apt to fight with all they had. Valentine was a priest who didn't like this, so he secretly married young couples together. Claudius found out about it and had him arrested.

Now according to a 13th century book on the saints of the church called The Golden Legend, Valentine was executed on February 14. According to History.com, while in prison, young couples he had secretly married placed roses, thank you notes and gifts through his jail window. In a video from History.com (which can be seen here, but note, some other info as well is shown which some may not always agree with)it states that Valentine had fallen in love with his jailer's daughter and that, on the night before he was executed, he sent her a love note signed "from your Valentine." Hence the tradition to give notes to loved ones on February 14.

Now, that's sweet and all, but makes me want to gag sometimes.

Sorry, I'm a cynical Gen-Xer and I'm not always trusting on things that are all happy sappy. Sorry if I've offended.

True love, true unrequited amazing love, isn't about roses and notes and gifts and chocolate (but don't get me wrong..I love me some gooood chocolate) it is about our relationship with our God and with each other.

Paul writes in his famous passage on love that

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

The word for "love" here is agape (aw-gaw-pay). It means an unconditional amazing, one of a kind, I-love-you-because-of-no-other-reason-but-you-are-you type of love. One of the first phrases I learned in modern Greek was s'agga po (saw-gah-poh) which means "I love you." And this is the love we need to have for God, for each other, and most importantly ourselves.

Yeah, that's right, I'm getting all pop psychology here, but truly, we need to love our selves as God loves us. If we can't even do that, we're doomed. If, as Paul and John say, "all we need is love" then we need to start with ourselves and move outward, let it move outward in such away that you overflow with a love of God for yourself (not selflessness but a true understanding of God's love) and be passed on to others.

How can you show this type of love to someone today?

Okay, no more deep thoughts from this Spiritual Musclehead today.

Shhh... don't tell anyone.. but...

shhh.. come a bit closer... closer.. I TOOK THE DAY OFF!!

I know. I know. Weird huh? I actually did it. I didn't plan it. I really thought I was going to work today and then it just, well, happened. Now, I know, some think "Day off? A pastor only works once a week for an hour, two at most." I've been pushing through hard these last few weeks. I've been putting my hardest into my sermons. I've been working hard on visiting people, going to meetings, making phone calls, talking with people. And I was getting tired. I was trying to fit in working out, watching a show here or there and most importantly, trying really hard to spend time with my family.

And then, it happened. At the worst possible time too. I had a lot to do today. I was behind in my sermon work. I had done a lot of visiting with people this last week, I spent time trying to do some meetings and research. I also had one of THE worst cases of writer's block around. And then, this morning around a quarter to 7 I asked my sweet, wonderful, loving wife if I could just sleep a bit longer. I woke up at 8:45... I haven't done that in the longest time!! Then, to be nice, after I woke up, I told my wonderful wife to take a nap.

So, what'd I do when she went back to sleep? Did I get to sermonating? Did I start working on my late power point? Nope. I dinked on Facebook. I checked the stats on my blog (a number of hits from the States, some from Greece, a couple from Russia and Slovenia.. props to all of you) and then spent some time with the kiddos. I then had an amazing idea, I'll take the kiddos to Wal-Mart and do some shopping while my wife takes some time off. And I actually enjoyed my time.

When I cam home, I had a message from The Globe, our local newspaper, to do a religious op-ed piece. Then my pick up was finished being worked on and Grant, the owner of Select Services (on the corner of HWY 281 and 1st St/273rd/Harrison Rd in Corsica, SD.. they do great work) dropped it off personally at my house. To top it off, that blasted snow blower is fixed and was brought back (though I'm still a bit wary of using it). I then got to hit the gym and didn't have to feel rushed or anything...I even thought of writing this blog post.

At first, I chomped at the bit. I was anxious. I felt like I needed to work. And then I became worried that I'd start typing "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." I was torn between working hard for God and taking time to rest. I'm glad I chose to rest.

And now, as soon as I finish this blog post, I'm heading down to the basement to have a lightsaber fight with my son (take that Obi-Wan Kenobi).

So, what do I got to say after all of this? Part of being a Spiritual Musclehead is resting.

God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day. Thus the heavens and the earth were completed in all their vast array. By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. And God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done.
(Genesis 1:31-2:3)

How can you take a day off and rest?

It was going to be the best blog post ever!

I was so excited to have this great blog post last night. I could see it now. I would talk about how great it was that if finally did it. For the first time since the week before Christmas, I got up early, hit the gym and then got to work and was productive. I was thinking of how great it'd be because I'd also been keeping a log of my workouts--you know, how much I benched, how much I did as a curl or lat pull down. I even had downloaded a calorie counter app for my phone. Then I was going to talk about how I finally got into the groove of reading my Bible and praying and journaling. I downloaded the Youversion Bible app from Lifechurch onto my cellphone so I could read scripture anywhere. It was going to be a great blog post.

Then I hit snooze on my cell phone's alarm clock this morning at 6am. Well, in my tiredness, I actually hit the "dismiss" button instead. I woke up around 8. I finally hit the gym not out of wanting to be healthy but because of writer's block. I only breezed through my devotions this morning and only did a short prayer. And that app. Uninstalled it.

So much for the best blog post ever!

I try so hard to make sure that I that read my Bible. And I do an okay job at it. I really do. But I beat myself up when I don't read it enough. And I beat myself up when I don't pray enough. And I beat myself up when I don't journal. And I get frustrated when I don't go to the gym. My pick up stalled on my wife yesterday. I feel bad because I didn't do enough to take care of it so it wouldn't do that (not to mention it was like -15 yesterday...which probably didn't help). In my life, in my prayer life, in my spiritual life, in my emotional health, physical health and spiritual health, I know I need to not beat myself up.

It's good to know I'm not the only one. Two blogs that have been helpful as of late. The first being Living a Reckless Faith which I've been reading off an on now for a little bit. The other one I recently found Fat Girl Fit world.

In my messiness, I'm not alone. We have each other.

Paul said it best in Galatians 6:2 "Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ". We're in it together.



Maybe tonight I'll finally hang my punching bag and go at that instead...I can beat that up instead of myself.

The Incredible Hulk-amania!

When I was a kid, I wanted to work out. My sister and I would create our own exercise routines and do them to vinyl LP's such as Amy Grant and the soundtrack to Oliver! (appropriate Christian music). We also had a vinyl LP called Mouscercise, a children's exercise routine from the Walt Disney Company led by the very physically fit Mickey Mouse (he's not muscular, he's just drawn that way). We danced and stretched to classics like Step in Time and I wanna be like you-ooh-ohh. My dad, who was a sergeant in the Marine Corps, would have us do push ups and sit ups and even ride our bikes with him when he would go for his runs.

Soon, I began to have an interest in some body building. The WWF (now WWE) had a Saturday morning cartoon show staring the ever popular "professional" wrestlers and their zanny adventures. And then I wanted to build muscle like Hulk Hogan. My folks got me his Hulkimania workout tape which included weights and a Hulkamania headband! And so I started exercising and lifting weights. Hulk Hogan was my hero!

As with all fads, I started to lose interest. My muscles weren't bulging (I think I was 10 the time) and I wasn't looking anything like Hulk Hogan. But I still kept him in high esteem. When I started doing weight lifting in high school, I used the pep talks Hulk Hogan used to give on my Hulkimania tape (now stored in my memory banks) as motivators.

And when I started lifting again about 6 1/2 years ago, I kept thinking of Hulk Hogan and that inspired me. I was excited when VH1 had that reality TV show Hogan Knows Best and then greatly disappointed when I started watching it. A hero of mine was brought down the level of mere mortals such as I. What I held dear wasn't what it truly was. What I strived for wasn't what it should have been.

But I pursue on. The words from Philippians 3 start coming to my mind at times like these

"What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ."

I know, I know..my strength is not in Hulk Hogan. It isn't in Arnold Schwarzen-however-you-spell-it. Not in exercise books nor in the very weights I lift. I know with certainty where strength lies, both in my muscles, in my heart and in my spirit. And I know that I can do all things through him who gives me strength.

I just need to remember that when I put just a little bit too many plates when I bench.

What about you...have you had a change in how you viewed a childhood hero? What gives you strength to keep on keeping on?

Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi

One thing I've learned: Kids don't come with an instruction manual. When my son was born, I looked at the doctor and said "Are the instructions in there as well?" Neither he nor my wife found that all too funny. I think I was actually being serious. There's nothing in this world that could have prepared me for being a parent.

I was always told in high school that algebra would be useful when I grew up. Algebra doesn't tell you how to hold your ground when you're son refuses to eat one mandarin orange slice. Algebra never taught me to resist the urge to go all Mad Max and the Thurnderdome on my kids, throwing them in the basement, two will enter, one will leave. And telling them to go to their room until their 18 doesn't work all to well either.

And no matter how many books you find, algebra doesn't prepare you for potty training. Worst than that, it doesn't prepare you to deal with people who are perfect parents and remind you of such as they give you advice after advice after advice of how to raise your kids such as doing potty training. Sorry, but I'm not about to let my daughter run around the house naked to get used to going potty. I really don't want to clean that all up.

What I never could figure out is how come my two kids can be at each others throats one minute--pushing and fighting and arguing--then getting along and being good to each other the next. And then after that, they're way too quiet conspiring to take over the world! No, seriously, I think my son said that and then added that evil scientist laugh (muwhahahahaha) afterward.

I was told that my kids would have different personalities. What I wasn't told was that they would have different personalities but both very similar to mine. My daughter is strong willed, obstinate and cunning--I don't think even duct tape can keep her at bay. My son is silver tongued, can haggle like you wouldn't believe, nice, gentle and can throw a temper tantrum like you wouldn't believe. Yeah, these are my kids.

I've always wanted like a spiritual mentor. Someone who could help me be a good father, one who modles Christ to my kids. One who shows my kids what it means to be a Godly person, a Godly man, a man who loves Jesus. And I work hard on it. And my kids (much like the snow blower) has been teaching me to be more Christlike. Because unlike that blasted snow blower (which has been taken into the John Deere shop for now, thank goodness)my kids can and WILL repeat what I say.

Why can't I have an Obi-wan Kenobi of parenting to come in and teach me the Jedi mind trick that gets my son to eat his veggies and fruit? Why can't I get the help of an Obi-Wan Kenobi who can help me reach out with the force and get my daughter to stop jumping off the couch like it's a high dive at the pool. Of course, Obi-Wan did raise Anikan after all. One of my favorite lines from Star Wars: Attack of the Clones was after flying through Corisant traffic, Obi-Wan and Anikan come to a restaurant. Obi-Wan is addressing the driving skills of his padiwan saying "I fear someday you will be the death of me." Oh, how prophetic. He raised Anikan who became Darth Vader who killed Obi-Wan in the Death Star in Star Wars: A New Hope. Maybe I shouldn't have him for parenting advice after all.

So, but by the grace of God, go I in parenting..Lord help me be Christ to my kids...please..and if you're trying to teach me something.. uncle

My Pick up got up and left

I have a pickup. In fact, I have a 1980 custom Ford F-150. It is a downright classic. It is a V-8 361 engine that runs great. I had to have some basic maintenance done on it to keep it up and running. Seals and gaskets get old and cracked over time. It needs routine maintence from time to time to make sure it doesn't break down. A 30 year-old classic like this needs to be...wait...

It occurs to me that my pick up is 30 years old.

I'm 33. Am I a classic? Will my seals and gaskets get all cracked and warped here soon.

So, routine maintenance is good for my 30 year-old pick up, I'm guessing it's good for me. So, let me try to do some maintenance here.

I think I'm doing okay emotionally. No major break downs. ADD meds doing fine. Some frustrations from time to time (with a 5 year-old and a 2 year-old, I'm guessing it's okay to have some frustrations) but overall I think I'm doing okay.

I think I'm doing okay spiritually. I know that I haven't been journaling as of late like I really want to. I have been trying to regularly be in God's Word (in my line of work, it is essential to regularly be in the Word)And I've been praying a lot lately (again.. a 5 year-old and a 2 year-old..you pray for patience mostly) for my family, friends and most importantly for the church here in Corsica.

Physically on the other hand? Well, my bathroom scale and I have this hate/hate relationship going on. First it didn't give me the results I wanted and then it just started messing with me. I just bought a new one today. Take that bathroom scale, you can be replaced!!

I've always found what Paul says in 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 to be interesting. I've used it to encourage myself to keep on doing maintenance.

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize."

Now, my hope is to work on my pick up and keep it going so that it remains not just a classic but in great shape as well...I'm thinking that should be my goal with myself too, to strive on for the prize, to run the race well, to keep on keeping on.. now to just figure out about them blasted gray hairs.