Point Break

I've been doing Weight Watchers (for Men) since July. I've lost 20lbs. The last 15 have come off even without much activity on my part. This lack of activity is not from trying. Trust me. I tried skipping rope. I tried going at my heavy bag. But this blasted walking pneumonia has taken me down a few pegs.To tell the truth, in many ways, it has humbled me. I don't like admitting it, that's for sure.

I've learned that, no, I cannot do it all. I've learned that I must rely on others when attempting to do something. I've learned that I must accept the generosity of others when they are trying to help. And this has been hard.

I've also learned that I eat a lot of crap sometimes. I went to Pizza Ranch last week to celebrate my kiddos' birthdays (they're born right next to each other three years apart). Last week I had a max of 66 points for the day and 49 wiggle room points. I knew I was going to Pizza Ranch that night so I did my best to conserve points. But I still went over the top and hit 90 points that night, being left with 27 wiggle room points. I looked through what I ate. Did I really need that second piece of fried chicken goodness? Did I need to eat a second Bronco Pizza slice?

Where did my control go? I do great that day, even turning down a slice of warm apple crumble with vanilla ice cream at my classis (regional governing body CRC's in this area) meeting on Tuesday so I could go to Pizza Ranch that night.

The rest of the week wasn't any better. Too much cake. Too much ice cream. Not enough rest to get over my walking pneumonia. Yet, God has been good to me. Smiling down on me and allowing me to break through the weight limit when I got below 310. Okay, so it's 309.8 but still. It's better than what I was worried it would be.

So, this week, I begin with new vigor. I am recharged to keep at it. Now, I just gotta do it. I need to place my own pride to the side and keep moving forward. I'm even trying to not emphasize the "For Men" part. But it's hard. It's like carrying around a murse. Of course, I call it a satchel. It's a satchel until you put chap stick in it.

In my own spiritual health, I'm trying to do my best with putting aside me pride. And it's hard. I know I need to place my self second before God, to humble myself before him and admit that I can't do it all myself. That is hard to do when you're someone who is used to plowing forward on your own and doing it by yourself.

Next week is communion at church. We'll be taking the Lord's Supper. I'm spending this week reflecting on that. And the question that came up for me this week too is how many points is communion anyway? I've decided that it's 0 points for the grace we have in Jesus and also listed as a power food because it fuels us to go forward.

When I am weak

I'm not liking this. I'm not liking being told I can't do something. Whenever I've been told "You can't" to me that's a challenge not a deceleration. I was told I was physically unable to learn Hebrew due to language aphasia. Guess what I did? Yeah. I learned it. Spent hours working on it. But I did it. When I was told that I couldn't win against Apollo Creed, guess what I did? Wait, that's Rocky.

But now that I've been sick for the last month, I've been told I can't push myself to hard. That I can't lift weights. I can't go all ape poopy on my heavy bag. I can't even jump rope. I said watch me and guess what happened? I nearly passed out. This walking pneumonia is one big bad word.

So, I have to accept my weakness. Which I hate. I really do. I mean, c'mon, I have to actually admit that I cannot do something! You gotta be kidding me? I can't do something? I've always been able to do what I put my mind to. Yet, this one time, I can't. And it bugs the frak out of me, to tell the truth.

So, what do I do? I think of these words from Paul who had a thorn in his side that wouldn't come out. He begged and begged for it to come out and it didn't. Then Jesus said to him

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

So, I will live in this weakness. For when I am weak then is He strong. Now, I just gotta keep telling myself that over and over again. I have to stop. And admit I can't do something. I need to stop and trust that Jesus will do what he said he would. He is the Great Physician so why can't use medication to heal me. So, I must rest and wait. I'll maybe get my geek on with reading some Full Metal Alchemist. That might work.

What about you? What weakness/es are you struggling with right now?

Humble work

"Pride is not the opposite of shame. It is its source. Only true humility can combat shame."

I tweeted this last night to some retweets. Thought it was interesting to give a bit of a back story for this spiritual sci-fi Friday.

I was watching Avatar last night. Not James Cameron's Dances with Smurfs version and not the sad live action version they made last night. I'm talking about the wonderful series on Nickelodeon that lasted three seasons over the span of a few years.

Avatar: The Last Air bender takes place on a world where the four elements (Earth, Wind, Fire, Water) are also able to be bent or moved. Each element is associated with a tribe. Each tribe is able to move, fight, build, etc with these elements. Each element is also associated with a martial arts fighting style.

At one time, all nations lived in harmony, then 100 years prior, the Fire Nation started invading and taking over the other nations. Disharmony.

I was watching the episode "Bitter Work" last night and caught a line given by Uncle Iroh. Unlce Iroh and his nephew Prince Zuko are royalty who are now fugitives of the nation they call home.

Iroh is teaching Zuko how to create lighting--something only very powerful firebenders know how to do (one of which is Zuko's sister...way in depth, sorry). And Zuko fails. Zuko isn't happy about that.

Iroh tells Zuko that he must let go of his anger and shame in order to have the focus needed to create lighting. Zuko's answer (while yelling of course) "I'm not angry!. I'm not ashamed. I'm very proud of who I am."

And then Iroh says this very wise statement "Pride is not the opposite of shame. It is its source. Only true humility can combat shame." Wow. Dude. Sweet. Yes! I had to tweet this. And I then almost just left it at that. And I think at that, yes, it is very wise and true. But it was missing something.

I added "Christ's humility is the opposite of shame." Dude. It just went from a wise Buddhist thought to something more deeper and powerful.

If I had just left it where it was at. I think I could have taken it and then walked away. But once I realized the importance of true humility, then I realized I needed to add that line.

Jesus' true humility wasn't when he went to the cross. That was just the moment where it all came together. He humbled himself from the very beginning. He left the perfect relationship of the Trinity--Father, Son and Holy Spirit--and humbled himself to walk among us. I mean seriously, how far is Heaven from Bethlehem? that's how much he humbled himself. And he did so from the very beginning, from a baby that needed it's britches cleaned up until he allowed himself to be taken to the cross (More about this and Klingons in an older post).

Our own pride is the source for our shame. We puff ourselves up and when we get deflated like an old bicycle tire, we run and hide. True humility is realizing that, yes, you are a deflated bicycle tire but you're able to be pumped by God, through Christ by the wind of the Holy Spirit. Okay, waaaay to theological here.. sorry.

In short, Iroh is right. To combat shame, it is not pride but humility we need. The humility we need though is the humility of Jesus.

Where are some areas where you need to change your view of shame and pride and focus on humility?

being served humble pie

I remember the first time I tasted the bitter sweet (or was it just bitter?) taste of humble pie. My first roommate in college. It was one room. 3 beds. A bunk bed and one in the corner. The one in the corner was taken. That just left the bottom bunk (the one I wanted) and the top bunk. I've never actually met anyone that was bigger than me. I figured I could maybe use that to my advantage when asking for the bottom bunk. And then in walked my new roommate. 6ft 20, shovels for hands, wider, thicker, stronger. I think his muscles had muscles. I took the top bunk.

I think I need to eat humble pie form time to time. It helps. Here I am, lifting, thinking I'm doing good. I'm not the best, but you know what, I was thinking I was doing alright. When someone else is lifting in the gym, I secretly count the weight plates and see how much they're lifting (I'm bad at math and it takes time sometimes) and then compare it to what I'm doing. Usually it makes me secretly feel I'm doing better.

Then, recently, someone who was thinner than I, a bit shorter than I, was lifting more than I. Here I was thinking I was doing pretty good. Then I saw what he was doing. Knocked me down and fed me humble pie.

So, what is the recipe for humble pie? A dash of deflated arrogance, the crust is made up of reality, chop up a nice serving of self reflection, a smidgen of cinnamon, and season to taste. Serve it up nice and fresh when you're on top of a high horse, it will bring you right down.. but in a good way I think.

But one things for sure, humble pie taste a lot better than a foot in the mouth any day.