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I'll be honest, it's been tough. I'm having a hard time relaxing. I used to relax, refresh, renew and recharge by hitting the gym. I'd blast the music in my ears and the world would disappear as I did my squats, bench press and curls. I'd focus on the movements of my traps, my lats and my triceps. I'd focus on my stance and on my technique. Nothing else existed outside of that room. Nothing. I set up my heavy bag in the back yard and later in the garage on a stand. I'd go at it. Just me and the bag. Nothing else. Just me and the bag. And the world disappeared. I was able to find that moment where I could just exist and refresh, renew and recharge for the day and be ready for battle...er, work.

But over the last two months, this hasn't happened. I'm going stir crazy to tell the truth. I haven't been able to get that recharge I so need to keep on keeping on. I'm not able to get that moment where nothing else exists. The physical activity hurt my lungs and left me short of breath. I wasn't resting to get better like I was supposed to.

It was suggested to find something else. Something that can still take my mind away and be able to renew, refresh and recharge without the intense physical activity. I have an old dusty guitar that was given to us my my in-laws back in '03. I dusted it off. Popped in Guitar for Dummies and have been torturing my fingers since.

It's harder than I thought. My left hand hurts and gets cramped. My finger tips are getting all tingly and weird sometimes. My fingers just don't know how to fing, as if my phalanges on my left hand never realized that, yes, they too would eventually work one day.

I was told that it takes time. It takes time for the fingers to develop the callouses needed to play. The pain is the muscles in the fingers learning something new. The pain and the callouses, though they hurt and tingle now, will make the music come out more clearer here soon.

I also have to remind myself that when I picked up weight lifting in high school, I was sore for days on end. It hurt. And when I started using my heavy bag, I could only go a few minutes at a time.

And so, I solider on. I'm gonna cowboy up and I'm gonna find a way to get relaxed. I don't think I've worked this hard to relax in a while.

What about you, how do you refresh, renew and relax? How have you had to change things up or at all?

Stuff Dreams are Made of

I do it all the time. I get great ideas. I get all the stuff that needs to get the ideas done. And I then get overwhelmed. I want to learn how to play guitar. I have an old handed down guitar. I have the aptly named Guitar for Dummies, and still the guitar sits unplayed by the dummy. Years ago I wanted to learn how to play the clarinet. I even took lessons. And now it sits. I wanted to do better by keeping a food log (which I encourage everyone to do) but after writing down that 4th bacon cheeseburger that week, I stopped. I dream big then putter out.

So, how come I still hit lifting with such vigor? I have no idea. I'm weird like that.

Last night, I was coming home from a visitation. I looked up and saw the stars in the sky. Being a city boy, I never saw them that close before, that huge before, that amazing before. There was a joke back in the mid 90's that after the 94 Northridge earthquake which knocked out power for a chunk of LA, people started calling up the police saying that the sky was filled with these weird shiny lights they had never seen before. If I had seen the stars I saw last night back then, I would have said the same thing.

I think the stars are a bit closer here in South Dakota.

Okay, so now I'm going to get spiritual here. I was realizing that God dreamed big. I mean REALLY big. And he didn't putter out. He got the job done with creation. And the poor bugger has a lot of work still to do with me. And I know he'll never give up and putter out. He'll stay with me until the end.

So I know I must endure. How can I pair down yet still dream big? How can I get excited about the things I want to do but also not get discouraged and quit?

For it is the stuff from whence dreams are made.